This painting dates from 2003…quite early on in my process….I was still working through my own stuff. Opportunity out of despair may be. All depends on how you look at it. I moved house the end of last year…and as you do…reviewed all my belongings. I have one tall bookcase of all the books I have aquired in the last seven years…mmm eight years now. It charts all the new things I opened up to after having a change of live forced on me. As always the universe knows better…..forced me to get in touch with a truer sense of myself. Most of the books are about religion astrology healing spirituality Buddhism divination…all that kind of stuff. My own ‘Out on a limb’ if you like, which I am coincidentally ready at the moment.
Opportunity is about focus I suppose…..but not that hard edged dismissal of all else. Everything else in still there….it is just the filter is gently moved over a specific place. You can still be aware of its context, and impact on all the other parts of your life….but the focus gets things done…and brings a result out of an opportunity.
There is quite a bit of spiritual writing about how it is not what happens to you but how you approach it…what perspective you are using. But that is so so hard if you are still using your old ways about thinking of your life. Like me…I still have pangs of frustration with losing my architectural career …..or choosing to move in another direction. I left when I felt this immense frustration everyday. I didn’t feel like I had another choice… I had to get out or explode. On the other side things are indistinct and I’m not sure where I am going….but I dont have that feeling of being trapped. I still think I could go do it again…what about all that experience and all that skill gone to waste? But is it really…..why put myself through those feelings. I still have the base skills of visual literacy and an understanding of three dimensional relationships, as well as the complications of a large group of people coming together to create something very complicated.
I sit here now drinking a cup of lemon verbena tea which was growing in my garden a few minutes ago….that would never happened 10 years ago. So what I thought was the worst destruction in my life turned into an opportunity….and having the guts to go through and act on my feelings….it turned into a gift.