This painting was an earlier one….in 2003 that same year I started exploring my unknown painting. So the kind of fear (similar to fear but not the same feeling) of the blank canvas was unsettling rather than fearful. Ah… it was an anticipation of something of me, that i did not know about until I saw it appear before my very eyes. It is easy for me to get mesmerized by paint, colours, textures etc, so I find is easy not to unpick it, or decipher it. The development has a logic if you want to call it that of its own. I did not need to know what it was. 2003 was also a year where I had some big anxiety episodes, a kind of unraveling of self, I can remember being on some meds for the first half of the year but I did not feel like myself. Inhibitions, controls, all self imposed seemed to dissolve I felt like I was not being me. The painting helped heaps in grounding me in my own reality. I came off them under my own volition, and started to feel back into myself. This painting dates to this time, it was a crux point in being me. I actually remember the first paint stroke on this painting… it was a kind of like oh well… here we go….right done it….what now? So the painting unraveled itself.
The name always comes at the end…..I just look at the painting and a word pops into my head, just appears, so I have an expectation of that now. “god’s window” so where….. does that come from. I have a background of welsh baptist, very raw, very theatrical, very chapel, not high church. Childhood travels took in chartres, paris, ravenna, venice, rimini, florence, urbino, rouen, …. so I have plenty of churchy experience. Though mmm and it sort of puzzels me but there is a sydney opera house in there too. The paintings is not so tangible the forms kind or in process of disintegration/integration, it is there but not quite.